


Colors, Cards, and Coffee Stains

by Frejennix, Lalijinx



Series: The Other Side of the Mirror [5]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Light/Dark Sides Switch, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Has ADHD, Executive Dysfunction, Family Drama, Fear of Abandonment, Food mention, Gen, Healthy Coping Mechanisms, Intrusive Thoughts, Lackluster Parenting Techniques, Logic loves Crofter's, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Logic's Vocab Cards, Synesthesia, Thought Spirals, nervous tics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:14:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25189279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frejennix/pseuds/Frejennix, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lalijinx/pseuds/Lalijinx
Summary: Logic becomes more of a regular feature around the Core mindscape and Thomas's apartment.Not everyone is happy about it.(Episode 5, Arc 1)
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders (mentioned), Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Thomas Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders & Thomas Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders & Thomas Sanders, Pre Deceit | Janus Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders
Series: The Other Side of the Mirror [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1794676
Comments: 68
Kudos: 194





	1. Colors

“Again, no pressure.” Thomas was saying for the third time, and Remus hoped that Thomas couldnt tell how distressed that made Remus feel. “It’s not a big deal if you have something else going on and you can't-”

“Bah! I don't know the meaning of the word can’t!” Remus said, putting an enormous amount of effort into blatantly lying. “I’ll take care of it, no problem!”

“Are you sure?”

“Abso-totally. Consider it done!” Remus said, retreating into the mindscape before he could promise anything else that he shouldn't.

God he was such a fucking moron, why was he allowed to  _ speak _ ? 

He appeared in his own room, a sour feeling settling in his stomach as he surveyed his empire. Few things ever stayed the same in Remus’s room; he didn't know why he felt the need to continually change aspects of his room, but in his defense, there were a couple of constants. There was always the art loft, where he kept all of his paintings and projects that weren’t ready for his fellow sides to see. There was always the faintly glowing ornate door that led into the imagination, although the placement of the door was mostly up to chance. And there were the murals covering every available inch of wallspace, warping around to follow the architecture of the room as it changed.

This week, Remus had been feeling nostalgic for simpler things, and had forgone the avant garde furniture, settling instead for a four poster bed made of dark cherry wood, contrasting with the green blankets piled in what could only be called a nest in the center of his mattress, foam, this week, after the disaster that was the water bed.

(Remus still maintained that the water bed wouldn’t have been half as bad had he just remembered to put his cutlass away before he had jumped on it.)

Remus went to his desk, and simply stared at the wall in front of him, which at the moment consisted of a hyperrealistic painting of Virgil punching a space velociraptor in the face, a triumphant grin on his lips.

Remus banged his head against the desk a few times, letting out a muffled scream into the wood. Philip-K-Dick-in-a-Box, why was it so hard for him to  _ concentrate  _ right now? Thomas  _ needed  _ him…

How many times did he need to fail Thomas before his brain decided to just do what he asked of it the first time?

“Having trouble?” Janus’s voice said behind him.

Remus banged his head against the desk a couple more times as an answer.

“Don't do that.” Janus chided, gripping Remus’s shoulder and pulling him to sit upright. “That’s not helpful.”

“Yeah well, neither am I.” Remus muttered under his breath. Janus didn't refute him, and Remus hadn’t expected him to, but it still  _ hurt _ , even though it was probably because Janus hadn't even heard him.

Probably.

“You’ll get it eventually, Rem.” Janus said instead, his hand a comforting weight on Remus’s shoulder, his thumb moving gently. Remus wanted to take comfort in it so badly, but his head was too full of self deprecating wrongness to do so. “Do you need anything?”

Well.

He knew what he  _ wanted _ .

There was just no chance he was going to get it.

“Alright.” Janus said, taking his silence as an answer. “I'll be back to check on your progress later.”

And oh,  _ that  _ didn't do anything but send a spike of panic through Remus, and he found himself asking for the impossible anyway.

“Wait, Janus!” he blurted out. “I  _ do  _ need something?” he said, his voice rising at the end out of nerves, making it sound more like a question than he’d like. 

“Yeah, Rem?” Janus said, and  _ fuck _ , his face was so relaxed and his smile was warm and Remus was about to blow it all to hell, he just knew it. “What?” 

“Can...can you call Logic for me?”

“What?” Janus said, and Remus held back his flinch at the sheer amount of ‘no’ Janus had managed to pack into that word. “Come on, Remus, you don't need him.” Remus repressed a long drawn out groan. “What’s the problem? Whatever it is, I can help you.”

“I...I don't think you can.” Remus said, before he could stop himself and immediately wished he hadn't at the look on Janus’s face. “No offense but you weren't very helpful the last time.” He added trying to make it better and unsurprisingly making it much worse.

“I can be. Just tell me what the problem is.”

“I don’t want to have another fight with you.” Remus said, refusing to meet Janus's disappointed gaze. “Can’t we just skip that part this time and get right to the solution?”

“Remus, you are being deliberately obstinate, and I do not appreciate it.” Janus said, crossing his arms and fixing Remus with a look that screamed, shouted, and shrieked disappointment. “Just explain what the issue is.”

“I have. You just don't get it. You didn't get it before, and you’re not going to get it now, not like he got it.” 

“You’re not even willing to  _ try- _ ”

“THIS  _ IS  _ ME TRYING, OKAY?!” Remus shouted, then winced at how his voice echoed around his room. He sighed, slumping back on his chair, staring up at the space port mural he had painted on his ceiling. 

“Look, if you’re not going to do it, just say no. Don't make me waste my breath if I can't change your mind.” he said dully, counting the aliens on his ceiling while he waited for Janus to speak.

Then Janus said something Remus didn't expect.

“...fine.”

Remus blinked, scrambling upright, his eyes wide as he stared at Janus's sour, resigned face. “ _ Really _ ?!”

“Ground rules!” Janus said sharply, cutting off Remus’s profuse thanks before he could say a word. “He stays in this room, he goes nowhere else in the mindscape without you or me there. If he’s not being helpful, he’s getting sent away. And if this doesn't work, you don't ask me to do this again.” He pointed a finger at Remus, his face deadly serious. “Got it?”

“Got it!” Remus chirped, grinning broadly, feeling the buzz of excitement grow in his stomach. Janus sighed, rubbing his forehead tiredly.

“Logic?” He grumbled at last, after a pause so long Remus could drive a whole ship through it. Like, at least a few sloops, maybe even a galleon or two-

Then Logic rose up through the floor, looking around the room with a bare indication of shock on his face.

“This is surprising. I was not expecting to be summoned to the core mindscape.”

“Don't get used to it.” Janus said nastily. Remus winced. 

“Hi, Logic! I need your help.” He said, knowing he was way too loud but not able to quiet himself. Nerves and excitement did not mix well with his volume control. “Did we take you from anything?”

“Nothing that cannot be completed later.” Logic said, adjusting his tie. “How can I be of assistance, Hero?”

“You-” Janus began but Remus interrupted quickly. His whole brain had cringed at the thought of Logic calling him by the moniker that Janus had said he should go by. He wasn't a hero, and he didn't want to be called one anymore.

“Actually, it’s Remus.” he said, only realizing after that he probably should have asked Janus first before he blurted out his name.

“REMUS!” Janus said, his voice sharp and loud and ouch, disappointed again.

“If I’m going to ask him for help, the least I can do is introduce myself.” Remus said, trying not to wilt under Janus's glare. “Oh well, nothing we can do now, right? Cat’s out of the bag!” He laughed nervously. 

“We  _ will  _ be talking about this later.” Janus hissed.

“What can I do for you,  _ Remus _ ?” Logic repeated, giving Janus a side eye that Remus had no hope of deciphering.

“Remus thinks that you will be able to make him want to focus on his tasks long enough to complete them-”

And  _ hey _ , Remus knew he was problematic and that Janus was disappointed in him, but he could at least not misrepresent the issue. How was Logic supposed to help if he was trying to fix the wrong problem?

“That’s not true! I  _ am  _ focusing! I'm just...focusing on the wrong things and I can't stop, but that doesn't mean I don't want to!”

“That's what I said?” Janus said, and this was the whole reason that Remus hadn’t asked him for his help in the first place, because Janus. Just. Didn't.  _ Get it _ .

“No it's  _ not _ ! You’re saying I don't want to but I  _ do- _ ”

“You’re focusing on the wrong problem right now, Remus-”

“Yeah, because THAT’S WHAT  _ YOU’RE  _ DOING-!”

“Remus, are you hungry?” 

Both sides turned to look at Logic; however Logic was only meeting Remus’s gaze, the lights in his eyes spinning rapidly. “You are most likely suffering from a mood imbalance caused by low blood sugar and dehydration. What was the last thing you ate?”

“He ate this morning-” Janus began, indignant, and something in Remus just caught on fire, and he sat up to tell Janus to  _ just go away _ -

“Excuse me, Self-Preservation, but I was speaking to  _ Remus _ .” Logic said, his voice emotionless. All of the rage boiling in Remus was immediately doused, so fast that it felt like a vacuum inside of him. “Remus? When was the last time you ate?”

“This morning,” he said, his voice faint.

“Exactly my point.” Logic gave Janus another side eye. “If you wish to be useful, this is how you can be. Your presence is...currently counterproductive.”

“You do not get to order me out in my own mindscape, Logic.” Janus said, incensed. If he had been a snake, Remus was sure his fangs would be bared. 

“Actually.” Remus said, getting to his feet and putting himself in between Logic and Janus. “I am a little hungry? And last I checked, I’m still not allowed to use the kitchen.”

“For  _ experiments _ , not for…” Janus cut himself off, breathing deep and sighing heavily. “Fine.” He grumbled, heading for Remus’s door. “I’ll bring you something.”

“Thank you!”

“Remember the ground rules, Remus. You are responsible for him.” he glared at Logic, nearly shoulder checking him as he walked past. “I won't be far.”

“Okie dokie, we’ll see you later, bye-bye Janus!” Remus said, jumping up and crowding Janus out of the room, going so far as to lean out of his own doorway and wave him down the hall, just to be sure he wouldn't hover just outside of view.

“Sorry about him.” Remus said, closing his door carefully behind himself once the coast was clear. “He’s not usually so tetchy.”

Wow, could Remus  _ be  _ a bigger liar, seriously? Logic did not call him on his bluff though, which Remus appreciated.

“I am not affected. Are you feeling better with him gone?” Logic asked, and Remus didn't think he could explain how Logic’s voice hadn't really changed, only that it had become inexplicably more gentle all the same.

“Yeah. Thanks for noticing.” he said, turning his desk chair around so he couldn't see his mess of a desk anymore. “Sometimes he and I just...can't help but say the wrong things.”

“There is no need to thank me for that. What ground rules did he set?”

Remus repeated them, watching in fascination as Logic’s eyes glowed and spun with each rule. “Do your eyes do that every time you learn new information, or is it just for rules?”

Logic appeared to ignore the question, his eyes darting around the room. 

“Do you have a list of tasks from Thomas that you need to accomplish?”

“I mean, we don't have to get  _ right  _ to work-” Remus muttered. 

“The second ground rule states that if I am here, I must be helpful. Do you have a list?”

“Sort of? I know what I have to do-”

“We should start by creating a list of the tasks themselves. Then we can take those tasks and break them down further.” He conjured a clipboard and a chair, perching on the edge of it, his posture perfect. “Whenever you are ready.” 

Stuttering slightly, Remus began reciting his tasks, watching as Logic wrote down each one, his pen moving just as fast as Remus was talking. Once he had done that, Logic went through each task and made him outline each step he had to take to complete the task. By the time they were done, the to-do list was a few pages long, a fact that kept sticking like slime inside Remus’s head. Was slime sticky? Remus guessed if it was harvested from an alien that could climb up walls, it would be pretty sticky. What would that alien look like? It would definitely need tentacles, and maybe it could even glow, that would be  _ so cool _ -

“Remus.”

“Yeah?” Remus said, a little too high pitched, pulling his head back from his train of thought with some difficulty. “Sorry.”

Logic gave him a considering look, his eyes spinning just once, and then put aside the list. He looked at his wristwatch, and Remus’s heart suddenly felt like it was getting blended into a smoothie.

Logic was already tired of working with him.

That didn't take long  _ at all _ .

“You can go, if you want.” He said, trying to hide the fact that there was an entire robot squeezing his chest with its claws. He could just imagine Janus's face when he came back to check on Remus and found he had already chased Logic away.

Remus didn't know how he was going to handle that. He didn't know which would be worse, if Janus was going to be even more disappointed or…

Or if this was one of those few moments when Janus was actually going to be proud of him. 

“You’ve already helped a lot, I’m sure I can take it from here if you need to-”

“Nonsense, I have no intention of leaving yet. I was merely making a note of the time.” Logic said, and even though his voice was as clipped as before, there was...an extra warmth to it that eased some of the pressure crushing Remus’s chest. “We are taking a break from doing anything on the list for twenty minutes. I would like to work on a thought experiment with you, if you are amenable?

“I...sure?”

Logic looked around the room, seemingly searched for something. After a minute, he went and grabbed Remus’s well loved set of paints, a multitude of tubes in so many colors. Remus had no idea what Logic was doing, but didn't say anything when he gestured for Remus to join him on the floor, spreading out the paints into a broad spectrum before summoning a plain black notebook. 

“When you think of things that are difficult, what color do you visualize?”

“Huh?” Remus looked from Logic to the paints and back. “I...I don't know? What kind of question is that?”

“I assure you Remus, there are no wrong answers to these questions, I only seek a deeper understanding of how you think.”

“And you’re gonna get that from me picking colors?”

“Of course.”

“I...I guess red, for hard things?”

“A bright red?”

“No...a dark red, but not like a garnet or a ruby, those are nice reds. More like...this one.” he picked a well used tube of burgundy paint. “This one’s good, when you want to make shadows on things that are really bright red. I used to paint a lot of things in red, and I figured out you can't just put black down in the dark spots, it doesn't fit. It's  _ too  _ dark, but burgundy makes bright reds pop without clashing.”

“Fascinating.” Logic wrote quickly in his notebook, before looking back up at Remus. “What about things that are simple and straightforward?”

“Umm...this one.” he said, picking up a buttery golden tube of paint. “It's like...sunshine, like banana-butterscotch pudding, and the gold Instinct and I steal from pirates-”

“Stealing gold from pirates is simple for you?”

“Obviously. It's like they’re  _ begging  _ us to take it back most of the time.” Remus said airily, a grin spreading across his face. He should really head out with Virgil on another one of those adventures, it would be  _ terrible _ if those no good pirates thought they had scared the two of them off…

“I would assume for things of middling difficulty you would combine these two extremes?” Logic said idly, still taking notes.

“I…” Remus pulled back from his thought spiral, looking down at the paints.

“Remus?” Logic prompted, when Remus didn't answer him. Remus looked away, chewing on his lip.

“It doesn't make sense.” He said at last, picking at the carpet. “It should be orange, right? Easy, medium, hard. Yellow, orange, red. That would make sense, things are supposed to make  _ sense _ .” 

“...Is that not how you feel?”

Remus shook his head.

“What color then?”

Remus hesitated, then reached for the tube of navy blue. “It…” he started, wincing when his voice cracked slightly. “It's gonna sound  _ silly _ .”

“You do not have to explain your reasoning if you do not want to, Remus.”

“No, I want to.” He flicked off a spot of dried paint around the cap, trying to pick his words carefully. “It...navy is for things that aren't just easy or hard. It's for the easy things that I make hard, mostly by just being me, but it's also for the difficult things that can be made easy with the right kind of help.” He glanced up at Logic, whose face betrayed no emotion at all, good or bad. “It...it means help. Both that I need help, and I have help.” 

It was also the color of the shadow around the knot of Logic’s tie, but Remus decided to keep that particular observation to himself.

They went through a couple more colors, like green for fun things and magenta for important work things, and even though Remus could tell that his reasoning didn't always make sense to Logic, he never tried to tell Remus that he was wrong, only asked him to clarify and wrote down Remus’s rambling explanations every time.

Remus didn't know if the feeling welling up inside of him had a name, but it definitely had a  _ color _ .

Indigo. Like paintings of stars and buckets of blueberries ready to be made into jam.

It was a good feeling. Also now he wanted jam.

“Remus.”

“Hmm?”

Logic consulted his notes briefly, his eyes flashing once before he set them aside, concentrating and conjuring two folders, one in a bright, eye-searing magenta and one in a vibrant, but calming green. 

“You’re really good at conjuring things.” Remus commented, impressed.

“Thank you. I had an excellent teacher.” Logic said, and before Remus could ask him to elaborate, he turned to Remus’s cluttered desk. “An organized workspace will help you stay focused on your work. We will spend the next fifteen minutes clearing your desk, if that is acceptable to you.”

“Okay! What do I have to do?”

“Just put the papers in one of the folders, either work-related or not. That is all you have to do. I will help organize them.”

They had just finished putting the final pages away when there was a sharp knock at the door. “Remus.” 

“Be right there!” Remus said, bounding across the room and opening the door with a grin. “Hi!”

“Hi.” Janus said, looking past Remus into the room suspiciously. Whatever he saw in there seemed to appease him, and he handed Remus the tray he had been carrying. “I’ll be back to see if  _ you  _ want dinner.” he said, putting special emphasis on the word. Remus got the message.

Logic was not invited. 

“That’s okay, Jan, I think this will be enough to carry me over. Don't worry about me!” Remus said, and he had just a second to see the weird look on Janus's face before he hip checked the door shut.

“You hungry, Logic?” Remus asked, taking the tray back to his desk.

And strangely enough, with his desk clear, Remus did actually feel better. He still felt nervous about the sheer mountain of work in front of him, but he didn't feel like he was in danger of drowning, too. 

“ _ You _ are the one who was hungry, Remus.”

“Ya, but I'm not a monster. I know how to share.” Remus said, finally looking closely at the tray to see what they had. “Oooh, cookies!”

“I would recommend consuming the cheese and crackers before you…” Logic trailed off as Remus stuffed two cookies into his mouth. “Never mind.”

“Oh, come on. It's all going to get eaten eventually, right? It doesn't really matter what order.” Remus pointed out, grinning when Logic didn't even bother to refute him. “Come on, you know you want one.”

“What is it?”

“It's a peanut butter jelly thumbprint. Janus makes them.” Logic seemed hesitant, but Remus would not be denied. “Go on, try it.”

Logic looked wary, but took the proffered cookie, breaking it in half so that the jam oozed out from the well in the center. He took a delicate little bite of it, and Remus had the absolute delight of seeing Logic’s eyes go super wide, the lights getting almost blindingly bright for a moment.

“I take it, that's a sign you like it.”

“I...yes it is adequate. The uh...the jam is particularly satisfactory.” Logic said, and there was a stutter over his words that made Remus preen. 

“I’ll sneak you a jar before you go.”

“I…” Logic looked like he was at a loss for words, which Remus was going to take as a personal victory. “That is-”

“‘ _ That is entirely necessary, as this is my new favorite thing, thank you Remus you are the best of the best. _ ’” Remus said, in what he thought was a shockingly good impression of Logic. Logic didn't seem to agree, as his eyes narrowed a bit.

“Was that supposed to be me?” he asked, arching an eyebrow. Remus giggled. “Well, I think  _ that  _ is enough of a break for you.” Logic said, but his lips twitched at the overdramatic groan Remus let out, so Remus didn't think he was too upset. Especially since Remus definitely saw him sneak a couple more cookies off the tray.

“I would like to read you your list of tasks, and I would like you to tell me whether you think that particular task will be easy, difficult, or something in between.” Logic said, picking up the clipboard once more.

“Okay.” Remus said, settling in his desk chair. On a whim, he turned the chair into a swivel office chair, spinning idly around. “Hit me. Metaphorically!” he said, snickering when Logic looked aghast.

Remus and Logic went through the list, one at a time. There were so many things on the list that Remus couldn't keep track of what colors he had already said, but at the same time, he didn't feel like he had to. Logic was keeping track, and he’d tell him at the end. Remus was sure of it.

His faith was rewarded, as Logic presented the completed list to Remus. He had been changing what he had written before, his cramped almost sans serif handwriting becoming the color for the difficulty level of the task. Remus could immediately see that the number of tasks on the list hadn't changed, but the majority of it was  _ easy _ , shining out at him in gold with the barest interspersing of navy and burgundy.

“Wow.” Remus was nearly speechless. He hadn't thought about how much just seeing his tasks in  _ color  _ could calm him down. “Thanks, Logic. This is...amazing.”

Logic made that same tiny smile that he made before, the one that was just barely a twitch of his lips, but unlike the other times, it didn't flash away in a second. “One last thing.” He conjured another notebook, this one a pear green and made of soft, well worn leather. “If you find yourself distracted by a thought that you wish to pursue later, simply record it here and you will be able to revisit it later when you are not under other obligations.” He stood from his chair, banishing it with a wave. “I would recommend limiting yourself to working in twenty five minute intervals to avoid overworking yourself. Give yourself five minute breaks in between each interval to stretch, walk around, or eat something. Remember to hydrate-”

“Wait, are you  _ leaving _ ?” Remus said, turning in his chair. Logic tilted his head.

“I fail to see how I can be of further assistance. I am confident that you can follow the plan we have outlined without my guidance, and according to the ground rules, I cannot stay if I am not being helpful.”

“But…” Remus said, frantically wracking his brain for a reason to make Logic stay. “But I’ll work better if you’re here to keep me on task, right? And remind me to take breaks? That’s being helpful, right?” He looked around his room, realizing quickly that there wasn't really a place that Logic could be. Well, he could fix  _ that _ , at least. “Here.” He concentrated, and the room stretched wide and suddenly there was a sleek, modern looking desk pressed against the wall opposite Remus’s, facing away from him. “Now you can do your work too! Stay?”

“I…” Logic looked between the newly conjured workspace and Remus, who put on his very best pleading face and prayed that it would be enough. “Very well.” he said at last, summoning a large, thick black portfolio, taking the seat while Remus silently cheered.

And they got to work.

With Logic’s incredibly calming presence in the room, Remus got his work for Thomas done in record time, faster than he ever had before. And Logic was great, reminding him to take his breaks when Remus had completely forgotten, and keeping him from working through them by asking questions, fun questions about colors and Remus's murals and the ideas he wanted to work on, taking notes and remembering the things that Remus said before.

Remus couldn't remember the last time his work had been so fun.

Maybe he needed to switch his colors again, if work was going to be more green than magenta. 

Not indigo though. That one was perfectly suited to Logic alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter in four days. 
> 
> Next up, Logic asks Thomas for help with a personal problem.


	2. Cards

In Thomas's defense, it had been a while since he found himself in such a situation.

He shifted gingerly, aware that moving too quickly would spell out certain doom for him. Were it not for the fact that he desperately had to pee, he might have succumbed to the siren song of his couch once more. His head was heavy, and the pillow under his face was somehow the perfect texture to tempt him into rubbing his face against it and falling asleep once more.

But he really,  _ really  _ had to pee.

He opened gummy eyelids, yawning and stretching slowly. His back immediately twinged painfully, reminding him throughout the walk to the bathroom that his days of falling asleep on the couch with no consequences were well and truly over.

He was almost afraid to stretch again as he dried off his hands after, but eventually gave in, raising his arms above his head and feeling his spine pop in an extremely satisfying way.

He made his way back to the living room, wincing when he caught sight of the clock on the wall. Far too late to be up on a Sunday, with work the next morning. Groaning at the thought of getting up again in a few measly hours, he switched off the TV, which had no doubt been judgily asking if he was still watching Avatar the Last Airbender for the past few hours.

He made his way up the stairs in the dark, relying on muscle memory and blind faith to guide him to his bedroom, and more importantly, his bed.

“Pardon the intrusion, Thomas-”

“HOLY-” Thomas slapped a hand over his own mouth to contain his screech, whirling around to stare at Logic, his eyes shining brightly and casting a faint blue glow over everything “God, why do you guys always sneak up on me, you gave me a heart attack-”

“What?” Logic seemed alarmed, his eyes glowing so bright that Thomas had to shield his eyes from the blue glare of them. “Are you experiencing chest tightness? Shortness of breath? Are you-”

“It's just an expression, Logic.” Thomas groaned, finally calming his racing heart and sitting on the edge of his bed. “What do you want? It's late.” he said, trying and failing not to sound grumpy.

“I…” Logic stammered, his hand still outstretched from when he reached for Thomas, and swallowed, his hand falling to his side. “It is unimportant.”

“Then why-”

“It can wait until morning. I wish you a pleasant and productive REM cycle.” Logic said quickly, sinking out and plunging the room into darkness once more.

“Don't know  _ how  _ he thinks I'm gonna sleep now, after he scared the pants off of me.” Thomas muttered to himself, getting into his bed with a sigh of relief. 

But even despite his grumblings, Thomas was asleep within minutes, wrapped in a comfortable cocoon of pillows and blankets.

* * *

Thomas woke to the beep of his alarm, fumbling for his phone on his bedside table and prodding blindly at the screen. After a few attempts, the noise stopped, and he relaxed back into the bed to enjoy the full nine minutes of snooze that he had given himself. He nuzzled into his pillow, chasing the last dregs of a dream he had been having, something about supervillains and sharks and heroes in distress.

He started to float in that hazy, in-between place where he wasn't quite asleep, too aware to be asleep, but was also not quite awake, too caught in the comfort of his bed and his dreams and the darkness behind his closed eyes. He sighed, rolling over in his bed…

Right into a bright, bright beam of sunlight, streaming across his face.

He grumbled, taking the spare pillow and putting it over his face, blocking out the sun, but the damage had been done. The haze was retreating, and Thomas was officially more awake than not.

He removed the pillow, staring at the ceiling, loathe to get up before his phone alarm demanded that he do so. He waited for it to start its shrill beeping once more, signaling that his workday had well and truly begun.

He waited.

And waited.

And waited some more.

Until finally the anxiety over why the alarm had not gone off bubbled over, and he grabbed the phone.

“SHIT!” he yelped, scrambling out of bed. As it turns out, the button he had thought was snooze had actually just turned off his alarm altogether, and he had just under fifteen minutes to get up, get dressed and ready, and leave for work, or he’d be late.

Thomas flew through his room like a whirlwind, brushing his teeth and his hair at the same time, and doing a mediocre job on both. He grabbed the first set of pants and shirt he could find, thundering halfway down the stairs while putting on the shirt before remembering that he needed socks and hurtling back up.

Dressed and still somewhat disheveled, he ran back downstairs, throwing a Poptart in the toaster and resolving to settle for the lackluster coffee at work.

Thomas heard a ping, like the call waiting notification on his phone, although not one he ever remembered hearing before. He grumbled under his breath, struggling to pull his phone out of his pocket, but there were no new notifications on his screen.

“Pardon me, Thomas-”

“AHH!” Thomas shouted, almost dropping his phone in surprise. “Warn a dude, why don't you?”

“I did.” Logic said simply. He raised his finger, twirling it in a tight circle, and the same ping from before echoed in Thomas's ears. “You expressed difficulty in determining when one of your sides wanted to make an appearance, so I devised a notification system for you. Before a side rises up without you calling them, you should hear that same sound, which should hopefully assuage your...excitability upon our arrival.”

“Oh wow.” Thomas said, impressed, but distractedly so, as he was attempting to get his socks on one handed while standing. “That’s really great, Logic, thanks.” He looked at the time on his phone and bit back a curse, searching for his jacket and bag, hearing the toaster pop in the kitchen. “Unfortunately, I am running really late to work right now, can we table this for later?” At Logic’s look of confusion, he clarified, “I mean, can we talk about it after work today?”

“Ah.” Logic said, and Thomas had half a thought that Logic looked a little tense as he slipped his shoes on. “Yes, of course, Thomas.”

“Thanks, Logic!” Thomas said relieved, shoving the entirety of his poptart into his mouth. “I’ll talk to you later!”

“You should not attempt to talk while eating-” Logic started to say but then the door swung shut, blocking him from view, and Thomas was running out to his car.

* * *

As soon as his front door closed behind him, Thomas made a beeline for his couch, falling face first on it with a groan of relief. 

His day had not gone any better after his disastrous morning, and Thomas was very, very eager to go to bed and try to gain back the sleep he had lost the night before. He had already put in an order for food, too tired to even contemplate cooking. All he had to do was stay awake to pay for the food, eat the food and-

“Thomas?”

And talk to his logical side, apparently.

“What do you want?” he whined into his couch, shifting so he could glare at Logic with one bleary eye. 

“You said we would figuratively table our earlier conversation for after you had completed your work day.”

Right. He had said that. Was that really just that morning? It felt like a week ago.

Well, the sooner he took care of it, the sooner he could do the rest of the things he had to do.

“What’s up, Logic?” Thomas sighed, rubbing his face tiredly as he sat up on the couch.

“I have...a request. For you.” Logic said, almost hesitantly. Thomas was sure he would have caught more nuance in his voice if he hadn't been so exhausted. 

“O...kay?” Thomas said, wishing that Logic would get to the point already, instead of taking literal ages to ask his question.

“I have been spending some time in your memories-” Logic began, but that was a weird enough sentence that Thomas blinked, suddenly a lot less tired and a lot more panicked.

“You what?” he yelped, a sudden slide show of every embarrassing thing he had ever done running through his head. The fedora phase  _ alone _ ... “You can do that?”

“Yes, each of your sides has a number of secondary responsibilities related to their primary function. In addition to being your logic, I am also in charge of the management of your short and long term memory.” 

“I...I didn't know that.” Thomas said. Well, if Logic was in charge of all of his memories, he had probably already seen all of his cringiest moments anyway. Probably. At the very least that’s what Thomas was trying to convince himself.

Logic cleared his throat, adjusting his tie. “As I was saying, I was reviewing some of your memories of your friends and I came across several phrases that have confounded me. I wish to metaphorically ‘pick your brain’ about some of the vocabulary I have observed you using.” He twirled his hand, and a piece of paper appeared in Thomas's grasp. “I have compiled a list.”

“Uh…” Thomas glanced over the list, his eyebrows climbing higher with each word. Lit. Mood. Yeet? “Are these all-?”

“Contemporary slang words, yes.” Logic said, quickly and curtly. 

“Why do you wanna know about contemporary slang words?”

“It is hardly a major issue, I just...seek a more thorough understanding of the interactions between yourself and your friends, how you...ingratiate yourselves to each other through the sharing of these seemingly nonsensical phrases.” Thomas looked at him blankly, his sluggish brain barely able to parse through that sentence at all. “Call it scientific curiosity.” Logic summarized when Thomas said nothing else.

“Look, Logic, I’m really tired right now, I don't know how much help I'm going to be. Besides, if you’re in charge of my memory, surely you can get these from context clues...” Thomas said, looking up from the list, his words dying in his throat.

Logic wasn’t looking at Thomas, his glowing blue eyes fixed on a stretch of wall to his right. But Thomas could see the clenched muscles in his jaw, the tense line of his shoulders, and the slightest downturning of his mouth.

Three very subtle tells, for all that they  _ screamed _ that his logical side was upset.

“Logic?” he asked, which seemed enough to pull Logic’s attention back from wherever it had gone.

“You are correct, of course.” Logic said, and his voice was tight. “Of course, I can spend more time watching your memories for the answers I am seeking. I apologize for the interruptions to your daily routine.”

“ _ More _ time?” Thomas repeated, his stomach sinking. “How much time have you spent on this already?” His eyes widened in shock, cold realization setting in. “How many times did you try to ask me about this, and I just-?”

“The answer to that question is irrelevant, I merely thought that you would…you said we would...” Logic struggled for words, before giving up on that sentence entirely, reaching for the paper in Thomas's hands. “It does not matter. I will cease wasting your time with this frivolous request-” 

“Stop.” Thomas said, jerking it out of Logic’s reach. “You’re really upset about this, aren't you?”

Thomas watched as Logic’s stoic facade dropped for just a second, and he could see the hurt that Logic had been trying so hard to hide. The hurt that  _ Thomas  _ had caused him, and there was so much of it that Thomas’s breath caught in his throat-

And then it was gone, and Logic’s emotionless mask slid back into place. “That is false. I am not upset by anything. I am  _ Logic _ .” he said, his voice clipped. “I will relegate our interactions to purely productive endeavors going forward. I apologize again for the intrusions, Thomas. Please be assured that it will not happen again.”

“Wait-” Thomas began, but Logic had already sunk into the floor, leaving Thomas with Logic’s list crumpling in his tight grip and a bitter, horrible feeling that he had just made a  _ huge  _ mistake.

* * *

“Logic?” Thomas called softly, a few hours later, half expecting to be ignored. None of his sides had ever outright ignored one of his summons before, but Thomas would not be surprised if Logic left him hanging.

It would be more than fair after their last interaction.

“Logic?” he called again after a few seconds. “Logic, I need you. Please.”

Thomas admitted to himself that perhaps the ‘please’ was an underhanded move on his part, but it did the trick. Barely half a second passed before Thomas felt that cool rush of mint flood his senses, and Logic appeared.

“Yes, Thomas?” Logic said, adjusting his tie as he looked at Thomas, his face devoid of any emotional indicators, positive or negative. “What can I do for you?”

“You can let me apologize to you.” Thomas said, the terrible feeling intensifying as he watched Logic’s eyes go wide. “I’m sorry for being so dismissive before. You had just finished telling me about all of the hard work you and all the other sides do for me, and the first time you came to me for help, I ignored you, pushed you off, and made you feel bad. That was wrong of me, and I’m so sorry.”

“I...there is no need for such an apology, Thomas. I did not ‘feel bad’ as you have put it.” Logic said, but Thomas was looking for the telltale clench of his jaw and, yup, there it was. “Is that all you needed me for?”

“No.” Thomas said, clearing his throat and pushing a stack of index cards towards Logic. “I made you some flash cards.”

“You...what?”

“So you can practice.” Thomas said, wanting to cry at the gobsmacked look on Logic’s face but forcing himself to smile instead. “I also threw in a couple of references that you didn't have in there, just in case.”

“I…” Logic picked up the cards, cradling them in his hands like they were something precious. “Thank you, Thomas. That is...very satisfactory.”

“It’s not a problem. I want to help you guys.” Thomas said, the tight feeling around his chest dissipating at the slightly wondrous look on Logic’s face. “Thanks for coming when I called.”

“You do not have to thank me for that, Thomas. If it is within my power, I will always come when you call.” Logic said, sinking out before Thomas could say anything more.

Probably for the best. Thomas didn't know what the hell he could say to a declaration of loyalty like that.

* * *

Thomas managed to almost completely forget about the interaction with Logic about the vocabulary cards - something he was definitely going to have to talk to Logic about - until the first time he used them.

Silence descended on the room as three sets of brown eyes turned to stare at Logic, who looked at their varying expressions of incredulity and delight with his customary confused head tilt.

“Was that not the correct usage of the term?”

“Since when do you use words like ‘fleek’, Alpha Nerd?” Instinct asked suspiciously.

“And WHY haven't you done it before, that was amazing!” Remus crowed, a maniacal grin spreading across his face as he clambered closer to Logic. “Where did you learn that? Are you actually on the internet and you didn't tell me?”

“I have no idea what you are talking about.” Logic said, moving back from Remus's suddenly far too close face.

“He’s been studying, right?” Thomas said, feeling a not insignificant amount of affection bubbling up in his chest. “Are the vocab cards working for you, then?”

“Vocab cards? Seriously?” Instinct scoffed, a snort of laughter escaping him. Logic looked at Instinct with an unreadable expression.

“You were the one who said, and I quote, ‘No one likes being lectured at by a walking thesaurus, Poindexter. Get someone to update your vocabulary software.’” Logic said. “As I am not, in fact, a robot, I do not possess the ability to do such a thing, and therefore must go about learning contemporary slang through study.”

“Oh my God, you’re such a  _ nerd _ . Why do you always have to make things way more work than they should be?”

“Thomas assured me that it was not a problem-”

“Wait.” Instinct said, suddenly leaning forward, all levity gone from his voice. “You asked  _ Thomas  _ to help you with this? When?”

“Whoa, easy.” Thomas said, wary at the sudden shift in tone.

“Answer the question, Logic. When did you ask Thomas to do this for you?” Instinct growled.

“Instinct, it's really not a big deal-”

“It is a big deal, if he’s talking to you when Janus isn’t there to watch him.” Instinct said, crossing his arms. “You talked to him on your own, didn't you?”

“I was not aware that this was in direct violation of the rules Self-Preservation has set in place.” Logic said, his eyes narrowing just slightly. “Can you repeat the exact phrasing of the rules so I can identify which clause I am transgressing?”

“Instinct, leave him alone, he didn't do anything to me, he just came by to ask for my help!”

“Don't put yourself in danger just cause the Pocket Protector needed you to hold his hand through the most basic of human interactions. Or were you built with a working internet connection after all, and you just like wasting Thomas's time?”

“HEY!” Thomas snapped, appalled at his side’s callousness. “Instinct, that wasn’t nice at all.”

“Yeah, you’re being kind of a dick, Instinct.” Remus said, reaching out to put a hand on Logic’s shoulder, only to be shrugged off.

“Your concern is unnecessary Thomas, Remus. I am unaffected by Instinct’s words.” Logic got to his feet. “If you will excuse me, I have some pressing matters to attend to.” 

Thomas didn't see Logic go, he was too busy pinning Instinct with a glare.

“What?” Instinct snapped, crossing his arms and slouching into the sofa. “Don't give me that look, Thomas, you're not my  _ dad _ .”

“Could you just…” Thomas pinched the bridge of his nose, distantly noting that he must look like Janus in that moment...or did Janus get it from him? Unimportant. “Be a  _ little _ nicer? He hasn't done anything to you.”

“Yet.”

“Why are you and Janus so convinced that he’s some kind of supervillain?”

“If the weird cyborg eyes fit…” Instinct said, trailing off pointedly. Thomas threw his hands up.

“I have no idea where you two are getting this paranoia from-”

“You weren't there.” Instinct snapped, and Thomas was surprised to hear the viciousness directed at himself. “Neither of you were there when...”

“When what?”

“When he was booted.” 

The silence in the room stretched, taut and tense in a way that only preceded subjects that had been avoided for a long, long time.

“What happened?” Thomas asked, when it became clear that Remus wasn't going to, and that Instinct was not going to offer anything unprompted. “Do you remember why he got kicked out?”

“I don't like to think about it, or talk about it.” Instinct said immediately, his fists clenching in his lap, the purple tape covering white knuckles. “But Janus said that it happened for a good reason. And they’ve been buried in your subconscious for so long, and then he comes back acting like a robot without an emotion patch, with his weird glowing eyes and he's so ‘ _ helpful _ ’, he’s...” Instinct snarled under his breath, a frustrated sound with an undercurrent of helplessness. “I just don't trust him or his helpfulness. There had to have been a reason why he got booted.”

“...Maybe there was.” Thomas said, even though the words felt so wrong in his mouth. “But he’s clearly learned his lesson or whatever. Has he…” A thought occurred to Thomas, and he swallowed, forcing himself to finish his question. “Has he been acting differently around you guys?”

“No!” Remus said before Instinct could open his mouth. “He’s been coming by our mindscape to help me a lot, and he’s been so awesome, he listens to all of Janus’s rules and he doesn't bother anyone.”

“Okay then.” Thomas said, taking a deep breath. “Until that changes, we’re going to treat him based on what we’ve seen so far. Logic’s been nothing but helpful ever since I met him. Every interaction with him has been positive. And we are going to be positive too. Got it?”

Remus nodded enthusiastically, but Thomas was looking pointedly at Instinct and Instinct alone. “Instinct? Will you try to be nicer to Logic?”

“...yes, fine, whatever.” Instinct grumbled, grabbing another slice of pizza. “But I still don't trust him, and neither does Janus.” he added, using the floppy tip of the pizza to point at Thomas. “You should remember that.”

The meal that followed was definitely the longest and most uncomfortable one he ever shared with his sides, and even with Remus nervously filling the room with chatter, Thomas couldn't help but listen carefully to the silences.

It took him a while to realize that he was waiting for the sound of a ping that wasn't coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter in four days.
> 
> Janus hears some things that make him question how he's been treating his fellow Sides.


	3. Coffee Stains

_ “Explain this to me again, one at a time.” _

_ “Well, I was doing an experiment, you know, just your average alien factory shenanigans-” _

_ “A phrase I am  _ **_thrilled_ ** _ to be used to.” _

_ “You are?” _

_ “No. I told you not to play around with that anymore. You have enough alien species to utilise in the imagination.” _

_ “Blasphemy! One can never have too many aliens. Also, Virgil told me to do it.” _

_ “Oh, NO. Don't try to pin this on me, you sentient dumpster fire.” _

_ “You said that my space battle was  _ **_boring_ ** _!” _

_ “Not because of the aliens, because you wouldn't let me use the laser cannons!” _

_ “Do you know how hard I worked on designing that ancient temple? I wasn't gonna let you melt it on a submolecular level-” _

_ “ENOUGH!”  _

_ “Sorry, Janus.” _

_ “Sorry, Jan.” _

_ “So you made an alien, and now what?” _

_ “He thinks it might trip the dream sequence into a nightmare.” _

_ “I see.” _

_ “Janus, I’m really sorry-” _

_ “Save it. I’ll go keep an eye on Thomas. Virgil, be ready to help him if he has a nightmare later. And  _ **_you_ ** _ , you stay out of the Imagination until I get back.” _

_ “But-” _

_ “Am. I. Understood? _

_ “...Yes, sir.” _

* * *

“So…what exactly is the problem?” Thomas asked, once Janus had finished explaining the whole situation and the resulting confrontation with his instinctual and creative sides.

“Remus’s actions will likely cause a nightmare later.” Janus said. “I’m sorry for this, Thomas, normally he’s much more careful about this sort of thing, I don't know what got into his head-”

“Oh, hey.” Thomas said, cutting him off quickly, a pinched look of concern on his face. “I’m sure it wasn't his intent to do...what exactly did he do again?”

“He created a new construct in the imagination, a new alien species for some...battle or something, and it got out of hand.”

“What kind of alien?”

“I...don't know.” Janus said, bemused at the direction the conversation had taken. He had prepared for Thomas to be scared, to be angry, to demand to talk to Remus and ask him just what he had been thinking.

He hadn't expected Thomas to care more about Remus’s project than he did about a nightmare on the horizon. 

And now Thomas was giving him a look, a look that Janus had never seen directed at him, but his own face knew the shape of it intimately, a calculating look, one that could make you feel like your whole existence was being examined. “What?” he said, a touch defensive in the wake of his own look.

“I just…” Thomas sighed, and Janus suddenly realized that the emotion he had been trying to identify in Thomas's face was...disappointment. In  _ him _ . “I’ve just noticed you can be...kinda hard on Remus sometimes.”

“What?”

“Come on, you have to see how he gets?” Thomas asked, and Janus felt like there was something using his lungs as a stress relief toy, squeezing tighter and tighter with every second. “I mean, I've only known him for a couple of months but it's obvious.”

“What’s obvious?” Janus asked, mildly impressed that his voice sounded so even when he himself felt winded. 

“That...you’re hurting him.” Thomas said. Something horrible must have shown on Janus’s face because Thomas quickly added, “I don't think you’re doing it on purpose, but-”

“...Did he say something to you?” Janus asked.

“No, and he probably would be upset that I talked to you about this now.” Thomas admitted, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “Look, why don't you go talk to him? About the whole nightmare thing but also about how he’s feeling. I think you two need to clear the air a little bit.”

“I...I can't right now. I have to stay with you. Make sure you’re okay.” Because that was the job, his job, it always had to be the priority.

“Why?”

“Because...that’s my job.” Janus said helplessly.

If he wasn't doing his job…what use did he have? What use did any of them have?

“Well...Instinct can hang out with me, if you're sure I need someone here.” Thomas suggested, his face resolute. “I really, really think you should talk to Remus, Janus.”

“I…” Janus floundered, but recovered as quickly as he could, given how nothing was going according to plan anymore. “Very well. If you’re sure you’ll be okay with Instinct.”

“Yeah, totally.” Thomas said. “Instinct?”

“Yeah, Thomas?” Virgil said, popping into existence next to Janus.

“Wanna play Kingdom Hearts?” Thomas asked, moving to set up the game.

“Absolutely.” Virgil said, plopping himself on the edge of the coffee table, settling in comfortably.

“See?” Thomas said to Janus, who was frozen in his place, unsure when everything had turned upside down. “Go talk to Remus.”

“...fine. I will...speak with you tomorrow, Thomas. Have a good evening.” he said, waiting just another moment to see if Thomas would change his mind.

He didn't.

So Janus left, feeling more confused and wrongfooted than ever before.

* * *

The first thing he heard when he rose up in the mindscape were voices coming from the kitchen downstairs. 

Except as far as he knew, there should only be one side in the mindscape besides himself at that moment.

Janus moved quickly down the stairs, trying to be as quiet as possible to hear what the voices were saying. What had Remus been  _ thinking _ , letting  _ him  _ in when Janus wasn't there to protect him-

“...didn't know it was going to get so out of hand that it made it through the dream filter.” Remus was saying, his voice slightly guilty. “Do you think Thomas will be mad at me?”

“Are you not worried about Self-Preservation’s anger?”

“No. I  _ know  _ he’s mad at me. That’s pretty much inevitable on any day ending in a ‘Y’. But if Thomas is mad at me, then…” 

“As far as I know, what the subconscious does with the events in the imagination is not within your ability to control. There was nothing you could have done to protect Thomas.”

“I could have not run that scenario-”

“The pursuit of knowledge is neither good nor bad.” Logic said, and Janus slowed down, grinding his teeth together to keep from shouting that he was  _ wrong _ . “It is...unfortunate that Thomas will be distressed, but nightmares are going to happen no matter how careful you are. Self-Preservation and Instinct have him, and he will be alright.”

“I’m just glad you were up when I called.” Remus said, and Janus  _ hated  _ that grateful note in Remus’s voice so, so much, because...because Logic was clearly up to something, and  _ not  _ because Janus was jealous that Remus rarely used that voice with  _ him  _ anymore. “What are you working on?”

“In the morning, Thomas has a staff meeting. He needs to have a proposal in his hands before that. He also made plans with his friends for the coming weeks and I have to rearrange both his and our schedule to accommodate this change. And despite its unintended outcome, your scenario in the imagination posited some fascinating questions about the composition of that alien you created that I am sure Thomas will be wondering about once he feels more level-headed-”

“Holy shit, that’s a lot of things, L.” Remus said.

Then there was a crash, and something shattered, and Janus broke out into a run, all stealth sacrificed as he crossed the threshold-

To a different scene than he was expecting.

Seemed to be a recurring theme tonight.

“Whoa, are you okay?” Remus was saying, across the room from Logic, nowhere near close enough for Logic to hurt him. “Uh, hi Janus.” he squeaked, his expression guilty.

Janus was...getting  _ very  _ tired of finding that expression on Remus’s face.

“What happened?” Janus said, although a few glances around the room painted a pretty clear picture. Remus grimaced as he banished the broken shards of porcelain that used to be a coffee mug, conjuring a replacement and putting it back on the table before getting a towel.

Logic was seated in one of the kitchen chairs, his eyes wide as he stared over the coffee staining the portfolio of papers. He held one of his hands close to his chest, and he was so still that even Janus was concerned that he might not be breathing.

“Logic?” Remus said from his place on the floor, banishing the coffee soaked towel. “Logic, are you okay?”

“I am fine, Remus.” Logic said, his voice faint.

“Maybe you should go to bed. When was the last time you slept?”

“I am fine.” Logic repeated, firmer this time.

“Here, let me help you with these-”

“DON’T!”

Remus snatched his hand back from Logic’s papers, alarmed. Logic swallowed, his eyes flicking toward Janus before he spoke, his voice soft once more. “I apologize, Remus, I should not have raised my voice like that. There is...sensitive information in those documents. You need not concern yourself with it, I will take care of it.”

“Remus, you should go back to bed.” Janus said, keeping his eyes on Logic. “We can talk about what happened tonight in the morning.”

“But…” Remus said, his eyes flicking between Janus and Logic.

“I am fine, Remus. Truly.”

“...Okay.” Remus said, and Janus ground his teeth together, trying to remain neutral. “Night, Janus. Night, Logic.”

* * *

“He called  _ you _ , right?” Janus said, crossing his arms, glaring at Logic as soon as he was sure Remus was gone. “You didn’t come here without an invitation, did you?”

“Yes, he called me.” Logic said, with a roll of his eyes, holding up a soaked piece of paper and snapping the coffee away. “I am not so bold as to assume I have a standing invitation here. That does not seem like your style.” Janus suspected he was going to crack a molar one of these days if he didn't stop grinding his teeth together, but knowing it was unhealthy didn't stop him from needing to keep all of the things he'd like to say unsaid. “I require a moment to salvage my work.” Logic said, a slight tremble to his hands as he continued to peel his work off the table. “Or will I be summarily banished, and  _ you  _ can explain to Remus what he might find here?”

“Collect your things.” Janus said, the bottom dropping out of his stomach at Logic’s threat. He glanced down at the pages only for a second, forcing himself not to look for...anything. He didn't need to know, he told himself. Knowing would be worse. “Will you be able to complete your work for Thomas?”

“Of course I will.”

“If you are lying to me, Logic, I will-”

“ _ I _ am not the liar here. I have everything well under control.” Logic snapped, his voice arctic. “I do not need any help, least of all  _ yours _ .”

Well.

They were done pretending to be pleasant, then.

Fine by Janus. 

“...Why?” Janus growled, unable to help himself.

“Why what?” Logic asked, intermittently snapping away the coffee. “Be more specific.”

“Why did he call  _ you _ ?”

“He needed reassurance.” Logic said, as if things could actually be just that simple. “And you were not capable of giving it.” 

“I wasn't…” Janus’s voice died, the implications of Logic’s words hitting him all at once. He knew that Remus was sensitive, and he...he hadn't thought about how his words would have affected Remus, on top of losing control over his scenario. But at the time, the only thing he could think of was making sure that Thomas was alright because...because Thomas was the  _ priority _ . Didn't Remus get that? Didn't  _ Logic _ ? “I was unavailable to hold his hand, because I was taking care of  _ Thomas _ .” Janus said curtly.

“Of course.” Logic said, and Janus found the placidly blank look on the side’s face to be utterly infuriating. 

“I am perfectly capable of giving him reassurance.” Janus said defensively. 

“And yet, you do not.” Logic pointed out. Janus felt rage boil inside of him. How dare Logic. He hadn't held Remus through nightmares, through the creative slumps that left him despairing that he would be replaced with a better creativity. Logic hadn’t had to drag him into productivity, knowing that no matter how Remus fought in the moment, the despair he would feel if he did nothing would feel unbearably worse. 

Logic had not  _ raised  _ him.

“You are not  _ special _ , Logic. Any one of us could do what you do. You are easily replaced.”

Janus could do what Logic did with Remus. He  _ could _ . He was...he just hadn’t understood. But he understood  _ now _ , how getting frustrated hadn’t helped. Virgil had always been motivated to be better, and Janus telling him that he believed in him, knew he could do things had been all it took to motivate the other side. He had...wrongly assumed that Remus worked the same way. But he saw now that while Virgil wanted to be told to do better, Remus had needed to be told he was good enough. He got that now. He  _ did _ .

“Falsehood.” Logic said, meeting Janus’s vitriol head on, unflinching. “None of us can be replaced. That is not the nature of our existence. We each perform fundamentally different tasks for the good of Thomas-”

“I was not talking about Thomas and you know that.” Janus said, frustrated with  _ everything _ . “You are being deliberately obtuse.”

“You would be very familiar with the concept.” Logic said, matter of fact. Janus felt his eye twitch. 

“What is your game here, Logic?” He asked, feeling exhausted and old and tired, just so, so tired. “Do you just plan to undermine me with Thomas and Remus? It won’t work. You may have fooled Remus, but Instinct will  _ never  _ listen to you over me-”

“I have no such ambitions.” Logic said. Janus scoffed, but Logic ignored him, talking as if Janus had made no sound at all. “I seek to help Thomas complete his goals. It is not my fault, nor my concern, that you view this as a threat to your relationships with your fellow sides.” He looked up at Janus, and his eyes were bright and steady, no spinning, no blinking, no fear. “Ask the question.”

“What question?”

“The one that is bothering you so much.”

“Oh and what  _ question  _ is that?”

“What have you done to make him lose such trust in you, that he seeks comfort with your hated enemies instead of with you?”

Damn him. Damn how easily he saw through Janus. Damn, damn,  _ damn him _ .

“I suppose you have an answer to this as well.”

“If you wish me to outline your flaws, you might want to get comfortable, as we will likely be here all night.” Logic said, finishing banishing the last of the spilled coffee, collecting his papers into his portfolio folder. “However, I do not believe that is what you are asking.”

“On that we agree.”

“But I will say this; your logic is unsound.” Logic said blithely, and Janus refrained from rolling his eyes, just barely. For some reason, that particular jab didn't feel as...pointed as the rest. Like Logic was trying to be...helpful. “Just because he turned to me does not mean he will never turn to you again.”

“Don't presume to know what I’m thinking.” Janus muttered, trying not to show how much that thought had  _ haunted  _ him, ever since Logic had started showing up.

“I do not, because you are not thinking rationally right now.” He adjusted his glasses, his luminescent blue eyes flashing. “You are acting out of emotion, and I find I can never be accurate when predicting what one will do under the influence of emotion.”

“But you have theories.”

“Just one.” Janus made an impatient gesture. “You want me to hurt him, so you can pick up the pieces, so that you can be right about myself and the Others, and he will have to turn to you again.” He inclined his head at Janus's stifled gasp. “You will be waiting a very long time for that; I have no intention of causing anyone pain.” he dropped his eyes to his notes, giving Janus a break from his piercing gaze to crack, just for a moment. “For what it is worth, I do not believe that his pain is your intention.”

“It isn't. It never is.” he whispered, feeling unmoored. Logic...Logic wasn’t acting the way Janus had anticipated, surely not acting the way he should with how Janus had been treating him. He should have been  _ angry _ , not...sympathetic.

“I am aware.” His jaw worked, and he seemed to take a deep breath. “You forget that you are not so easily replaced either, Janus.”

Janus didn't have anything he could say to that. He wasn't even sure that he could speak for a moment, he was so utterly surprised.

Logic...called him by his  _ name _ .

Janus suddenly couldn't handle being in that kitchen for one second more.

“See yourself out.” he said, turning on his heel and leaving the logical side in the kitchen to head up the stairs, not even checking to see if he had been obeyed before he locked himself in his room.

* * *

The next morning, there was a proposal for Thomas on the kitchen table, as well as a stack of reading material annotated with sticky notes for Remus. The core sides’ calendar was updated with the new schedule for the coming weeks, and it was balanced perfectly so that none of them should feel the strain of keeping up with Thomas.

It made Janus want to  _ scream until his voice gave out _ .

Instead, he took a deep breath through his nose, let it out slowly, and did what he usually did when he didn't know how to stop feeling so much; he started making food.

Virgil came down sometime after the scones came out of the oven, while Janus was frying bacon and sausage with far more poking and prodding than was necessary, a dark glower on his face.

“So…” Virgil said, pursing his lips as he looked at the scones and the fruit salad and the various other breakfast accoutrements piled on the table. “I take it the talk with Remus didn't go so great.”

“We haven't talked yet.” Janus grumbled, watching the hot grease bubble and pop in the pan, watching as the fatty edges of the strips curled and shriveled. “I came back and  _ Logic  _ was here.”

There was a silence that stretched far too long. Janus whipped around, glaring at Virgil who pretended to be absorbed in searching through the cabinets for something. “What?”

“I...may have...suggested that he...not be alone while waiting for you to get back.”

“You what?”

“He gets really worked up when he’s alone and waiting, and then your fights are just...worse. I didn't think he would call  _ him _ , though. I thought he would go into the Imagination! Hang out with the constructs, you know, like he usually does.”

“So you expected him to ignore my order that he stay out of the Imagination?”

“Well, yeah. It's not like he's ever…”

“He’s ever what?”

“Listened to you about that before?” Virgil said hesitantly.

“ _ What _ ?”

“Oh, come on, you can't blame him for that.” Virgil said, crossing his arms and standing firm. “It's his domain. He has the right to go in there if he wants. You know that.”

Janus grumbled. “How do you want your eggs?” he said, trying not to speak through gritted teeth and failing miserably.

“Fried.” Virgil said, twirling a kitchen chair around so he could straddle it backwards, staring at Janus from across the room as he picked the most perfect scone from the basket. “So. Is that why you’re rage-cooking? Because he called Logic without telling you?”

Janus didn't say anything, but that was apparently more than enough of an answer.

“...You know if Thomas hadn't made me promise to be nicer to him, I'd offer to kick his ass for you.” He shrugged. “Just saying.”

“I…” Janus took a deep breath, tipping Virgil’s eggs onto a nearby plate. “I appreciate the offer, but I don't…”  _ want that _ .  _ Not anymore. _

Because as much as he hated to admit it, Logic hadn't been wrong. Blunt and unsympathetic, but not wrong.

“What?” Virgil said, breaking open the still warm scone and slathering butter on it. “Come on, what’s up your butt?” 

Logic said that he was not easily replaced, but that was the crux of every interaction he had with Remus. Logic...understood him, in a way that Janus just didn't, and it was becoming more and more clear that Remus...prefered Logic.

“Does Remus hate me?” Janus asked, putting the plate in front of Virgil.

Virgil choked on his scone, crumbs exploding across the table as he coughed. “Does Remus  _ what _ ?” he gasped, looking incredulous. “Are you  _ kidding  _ me?”

“Just...does he?”

Had Janus already lost him? Had all the times he'd been too dismissive and frustrated just...negated the fact that Janus loved him? Had every sharp word said in anger frayed the rope between them so much that there was no salvaging it, and he just had to wait with baited breath until it snapped and Remus drifted away?

“Of course he doesn’t, you moron.” Virgil said. “His whole problem is that he cares way too much about making you proud of him. He wouldn't be worried about that shit if he hated you.”

“I am proud of him.” he muttered, rubbing a tired hand over his face. “I just want him to do his best, and I know he’s capable of so much more.”

“...maybe he just needs to hear you say that.” Virgil said quietly. He let those words sink in for a moment, quietly eating his breakfast. “By the way, we’re out of Crofter’s again,” he said at last, pointing a butter knife at the pantry.

“Already? I just conjured the last one…” Janus muttered. Virgil shrugged, stuffing his mouth quickly, then glanced over Janus's shoulder.

“You gonna come have some breakfast, trash panda, or are you just gonna hover in the doorway like a weirdo?” he asked, pushing his mouthful into one cheek so he could be understood. Janus rolled his eyes.

“Morning, Remus.” Janus said, putting all of his effort into sounding pleasant, turning to face the creative side with a smile. “How do you want your eggs?” he asked, heading back to the stove.

“...Scrambled.” Remus said in a small voice, his hands flexing at his sides, taking in the expanse of food with a wary gaze.

“Oh, would you look at the time,” Instinct said, shoveling the rest of his food into his mouth and pocketing a couple of scones. “Thomas should be going to the grocery store about now, I better go talk to him real quick, bye guys!”

...One of these days, Janus was going to have to teach that boy the value of  _ subtlety _ . 

“What did you and Logic talk about last night?” Remus asked with forced nonchalance when Janus placed a plate of eggs in front of him, long after the silence in the kitchen had gotten unbearably awkward.

“Nothing.” He said, a little sharper than he had meant to, and his heart clenched when Remus flinched. Remus didn't say anything more, quickly eating his breakfast without another word. 

“Remus?” Janus said, unable to help himself as Remus rose to leave. Remus’s shoulders were around his ears, taut with tension, but he turned to face Janus anyway.

“Yeah?” he said, and he was so  _ brave  _ and  _ special  _ and Janus had fucked everything up so bad and he just...

Janus got to his feet, moving across the room and wrapping Remus in his arms, his hand cupping the back of Remus’s head and gently pulling it down to rest against his shoulder. 

“...you know I’m proud of you, right?” he said softly, squeezing tighter when all of Remus’s muscles seemed to lock up. “I know you work very hard for Thomas. I don't always do a good job of showing it, but I am impressed by the things you make and the things you do. I am...so, so proud of you, and I should really tell you that more. I'm going to tell you that more. I promise.”

He felt Remus take a deep shuddering breath. “What the  _ hell  _ did Logic say to you?”

“Something I needed to hear.” Janus said under his breath. He made to let Remus go, but Remus made an indecipherable sound and pulled him back, his arms wrapping around Janus’s middle. He let Remus cling to him, his hand running through Remus’s brown hair when the younger side started to shake. “Thomas doesn't have anything pressing to do today. Take a day off, take Virgil into the Imagination when he gets back. Play with your new alien or something.” He swallowed past the lump in his throat. “If you give me an hour, I'll make you lunch, so you don't have to come back out until dinner, and then…” he gave Remus one last squeeze and let him go, letting Remus see the smile he had on his face. “and then you can tell me all about your day, okay?”

“...Okay.” Remus said softly, and his voice was thick as he rubbed the back of his hand across his eyes. “Thanks, Jan.”

“You’re welcome, Rem.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next episode in one week. Thomas has a problem, Instinct and Logic have opinions, and Janus has an unorthodox suggestion for how to deal with it.


End file.
